What am I worrying about?

1. What is the problem?
2. What can I do about it?
3. Which plan of action should I take?
4. When should I start doing it?

I've been listening to my first audio book, possibly because it is something I'd never have imagined myself buying... a self help book. It's Dale Carnegie's How to stop worrying and start living. So far I've been slightly impressed since I know little about personal development books. But you know what it can't do much harm can it? I constantly worry, not just about the big things but the little things too. What people think of me plays a huge roll in that and often what I think of myself. Right now I'm so sick of being afraid and a recent death in my family has been a huge wake up call for my isolated self. I don't see other people as a positive thing, to me they are a hindrance and I hate seeing the world in this light.

So listed above is a suggestion from Mr. Carnegie about how to deal with a worry you may have. For him one needs impartial knowledge about the problem before ever being capable of solving it. This is something that resonates with me deeply, how can you ever hope to move away from where you are in life without accepting and knowing where you are coming from. What's odd for me is when I try and answer the first question is my lack of an answer, I cannot pinpoint exactly what makes me worry, maybe it is too many things.

After my first failed attempt at exercise today I have been rewarded with a blister the size of my foot (not kidding) and for now perhaps it is a worry I can question myself about.

• What is the problem?

My feet hurt whenever I walk. It may be because I'm heavy but I can't loose weight if I can't go walking in the first place. It may be a real hindrance to me ever being able to shift some pounds.

• What can I do about it?

Right now I've tried a variety of options to fix my feet. I've spoken to my doctor, I've seen a chiropodist, I was fitted for and bought a very expensive pair of corrective shoes and I've tried simply working through the pain. It seems the only options left open to me are to try and see a foot specialist of sorts or to exercise without walking or jogging which I actually like to do.

• Which plan of action should I take?

To go and see a specialist would take both time and money, there can be large waiting lists to see such people and I would need a recommendation from my doctor. While to try a different form of exercise seems the simpler option I feel like I would be giving up and letting something win over me. I could do some step aerobics, use the wii fitness and dance programs, do yoga or maybe even get a punching bag. To me these don't feel like legitimate forms of exercise though, in my eyes you need to be able to push yourself when exercising and for me it has always hurt. I like the sound of getting a punching bag the most but I'm reluctant to spend any money until I'm sure that this isn't another 'phase' I'm going through. I want this to be for real and a life long change in how I see the world and act within it. But since my feet are completely banjaxed right about now I have no other choice if I want to stick at the exercise than to find an alternative.

• When should I start doing it?

Failure usually makes me give up... to me it is a cosmic sign from the universe that I am a failure and don't belong on this planet like everyone else does. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life this way, I can't live a life like this. So as soon as I can stand on my feet I'm going to try my other options and keep at what I'm doing.

Lets see how long I can keep positive for!